As the Republican National Convention winds down in Minneapolis this evening the 2008 U.S. political party convention season slowly comes to an end. Careful scrutiny of both the Democrat and Republican

conventions have left some significant, if not important, lessons for us all. Below is a list of Top 10 Tips gleaned from these historic efforts, highlighted here for the convenience of the American public and future Presidential hopefuls.

1. Be sure to make it clear that you are not a part of the political establishment, while at the same time look like you are fully qualified to lead a nation.

2. Design a campaign that inspires, without actually saying anything of substance.

3. Plan costumes, wardrobe, and seating arrangements so as to ensure no one looks either too rich, or too poor, on camera.

4. Learn key concepts in story telling in order to invoke teary-eyed and hypnotic regressions of childhood and war time memories. This works well so that you don’t actually have to say anything, you just have to make sure the audience feels like crying when you’re finished.

5. Appropriate ways to bash your opponent so that no one ever really quite knows if you are serious or not.

6. Learn how to overcoming criticisms that seem insurmountable in an election campaign by attacking your opponent on the very same issues, thus rendering complete confusion within the masses.

7. Teach camera men how to pan the camera so that all half dozen minorities (or whites, depending on your party) get equal exposure no matter how many of them are actually present at the event; this is so that no one feels left out.

8. Learn to effectively squeeze every ounce of sympathy from viewers through family, personal, and private tragedy.

9. Get an edge on the campaign by starting early by fast-tracking through small-town elections, PTA meetings, and bulldog jokes.

10. Try to avoid bringing on speakers who have recently been fired, unless that person is relatively as unrecognized as any of the candidates, in which case most people likely won’t even realize it.